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Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 44 In the last post: With Dick Charmer at Bert's mercy, he wanted to teach him a lesson he wouldn't soon forget… Dick Charmer, back pinned against the knobby tree trunk, rubbed his fingers through his hair as if a pain throbbed deep inside his head. "Honestly, Bert," he whined, "I haven’t any designs with Olive. It's you she loves. She told me so." "Didn't look much like it." Although Bert suspected he lied, he closed his eyes briefly and gave a compulsive nod. Despite the reassuring words, he didn't want to lose focus. He'd savour them for later. “I ain’t got time to stand here chatting with you, so I think I’ll just modify your mug anyway.” He grabbed Dick Charmer’s shirt collar in his left hand and drew his right fist back ready to strike. “Wait!” Dick Charmer covered his head in his arms. “Don’t hit me. I’ll give you anything you want.” Bert cocked his head and sunk his arm. “Yeah, like what?” “You can pick any piece of treasure from my pouch of goods.” Bert brought his callused fist up again. “Two pieces.” Still Bert hesitated. “Three pieces.” “Okay, show me.” As soon as Bert released him, Dick Charmer dived for his small suitcase, snapped the locks, opened the lid, and plucked out his cloth pouch of stolen jewellery. His fingers shuddered as he tugged on the drawstrings and let Bert peek inside. “Ah, me Rolex.” Bert dug in and fished his watch out. “And Olive's engagement ring.” “One more thing,” said Dick Charmer. “Anything you like.” Bert shook his head. “Three more things. This watch and ring belong to me. They don’t count.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
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Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 43 In the last post: Free at last, Bert set his dogs on Dick Charmer. He warned them not to eat him until he caught up… Bert squinted in all directions. When sure nobody would see him, he dashed across the gravel road and plunged into the same copse of trees as Dick Charmer. Once out of view, he slowed his pace to a resolute march, fists clenched and a murderous snarl on his lips. It wasn’t hard to follow Dick Charmer's path through the tangle of broken brush, and he soon caught the growl of his dogs and the man’s whimpering. When Bert caught up, Dick Charmer stood with his back pressed against a tree and the two Alsatians glaring at him. Had he dared to move, they left no doubt they would have sunk their teeth into him. “Get your dogs off me,” he wailed, lips and chin trembling. “I ain’t going to let them hurt you,” said Bert, catching his breath, “because I’m going to do that myself.” He clicked a finger and the Alsatians slinked to his heels, one each side, never once taking their hungry eyes from Dick Charmer. “At ease, Chums.” They sat, and Bert patted their heads. “What are you planning to do with me,” said Dick Charmer, eyes bulging with fright. “I’m going to mangle that pretty face of yours so no women will ever look at you again.” Dick Charmer released a huge breath of relief and shook his head. “Is that what this is all about?” “Yeah. You’re a menace to women, and especially my Olive.” “No,” said Dick Charmer, looking heavenward and clicking his tongue as if confronted by an idiot. “No, my friend, you’ve got me all wrong. I’m a professional pickpocket. I only pretend to flirt with women so as I can get close enough to rob them. Olive means nothing to me, none of them do.” Bert scratched his stubbly cheek and leaned forward to glare his foe in the eye. “Oh yeah,” he drooled, forcing a sarcastic smile, “I never thought of that. I suppose we can be friends now and I can let you go.” Dick Charmer nodded, but he must have recognised the contempt in Bert's words and manner because he swallowed hard and his bloodless lips twisted in a mockery of a smile. At last Bert had the mischief maker at his mercy, and after all the bad luck he'd recently suffered, he needed to act fast before something else went wrong. All he required was five minutes to teach him a lesson that he wouldn't soon forget. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Bildet er tatt av Steve Bidmead
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
#2: Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 42 In the last post: Bert tore at the scaffolding. When the handcuff keys bounced off his head, his anger vanished… Bert placed his foot over the handcuff keys and whistled a tuneless ditty. He stole a peek in all directions. Nobody hung about. The morning sun still hadn't lifted above the house roofs and many of The Stable’s guests snored in bed. Most of the youngsters had been at the disco last night, partying until the early hours. His frustration mounted again, causing his brow to flush. The disco and Dick Charmer had triggered the start of all his troubles. Until now, luck had been in Dick Charmer's favour, but that was about to change. A few workers stalked about, tending farm animals and readying the numerous majestic horses for the day’s work, but they were busy elsewhere, mostly out of sight. He kicked the keys to where he could reach them and bent to pick them up. He wasn't as nimble-fingered as Dick Charmer, but thirty seconds later he had both hands free. Desperate to relieve himself, and scarcely able to walk with his knees clamped together, he hurtled through his house and made straight for the outside toilet at the back. His two black Alsatians followed him out and awaited their orders, panting with excitement. He'd left the door open, his bulk filling the whole cubical. “Ready for a chase, Chums?” he called over his shoulder. The dogs tensed and woofed an eager yes. Bert led them to Dick Charmer’s house at the other end of the terrace, entered, and found the pile of clothes he’d been wearing. He let the Alsatians sniff them and snapped his arms out, pointing the direction Dick Charmer had taken. “Find him, Chums. I know you ain't had breakfast yet, nor have I, but don’t kill and eat him until I get there. Go!” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
The picture is taken by Mathias Westermann from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 41 In the last post: Dick Charmer ran off with the stolen goods, bragging he was the greatest… As Dick Charmer hopped over a fence, scurried into a copse of dense trees, and disappeared, Bert’s muscles turned rigid. This was so damn unfair, he reasoned. There he remained, handcuffed to a scaffolding pole, relatively innocent, while that pickpocket, trickster, and womaniser had planted incriminating evidence on him, escaped, and left him to face Chief Inspector Dobbs's wrath. Like a volcano eruption on the brink, pressure built deep within Bert's barrel chest, filling his gigantic body with a force that demanded release. His Alsatians, still shut inside his house, must have sensed his anger and frustration because they howled. With the strength of a grizzly bear, Bert grasped his restraining scaffolding pole and gave it an almighty shake. All along the terrace house, the stiff metal framework of poles and planks shook and rattled fit to collapse. But despite his Herculean effort, the structure refused to do more than clatter like a jostled skeleton of bones. He tensed himself for a surge of energy that would at least lift his pole high enough from the ground for him to slip the handcuff's chain from under. Just then, something small, light and hard stung him on his bald head and bounced to the grass by his feet. He blinked twice. When his mind twigged what his eyes begged him to recognize, his anger drained away faster than air escaping from a burst balloon. His tantrum had shaken the handcuff keys from the scaffolding boards above, and now they rested within reach, winking at him in the morning sun. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
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Life in the Clouds. Charismatic stories.
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 40 Dick Charmer appeared from his house after five minutes, and Bert had to look twice before he recognised him. The young scoundrel had shaved his head bald and wore a checkered shirt and dungarees: a typical farmhand. “You’re not going to snitch on me, are you?” said Dick Charmer. He spoke with a Polish accent now and prodded a couple of acne spots that weren’t there before. “Caw, blimey!” Forgetting Chief Inspector Dobbs had handcuffed him to a scaffolding pole, Bert absent-mindedly tried to scratch his arse. When that didn't work, he clawed his head instead. The little bunch of handcuff keys magically appeared in Dick Charmer’s hand. He dangled them in front of Bert’s nose. “Want them?” “Course I do,” said Bert, reaching for them. “Shame.” Dick Charmer tossed the keys up onto the scaffolding boards above their heads. "I'm glad I'm not in your shoes when Dobby the Bobby gets back. He'll go bananas when he sees I'm gone." As Bert gazed longingly upwards, he felt something slide over his head and drop around his neck. “It’s a gift,” said Dick Charmer. “A gold necklace with a locket. And inside the locket is a picture of some hunky guy.” He chuckled, dropped his pouch of stolen jewellery into his small battered suitcase, and snapped the lid closed. “Dobby the Bobby won’t be in such a hurry to chase after me while you’re explaining where that little trinket came from. Bye-bye, and when you’re sitting in the clink, don’t forget to spread the news of the great ‘Four-P’.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Bildet er tatt av Esther Chilcutt fra Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 39 “Hey, where’d you get those from?” said Bert, staring wide-eyed in disbelief. Dick Charmer suspended the small bunch of keys above his head and let them dangle between his fingers. "Watch carefully." He swiped his other hand across in front of the keys and when the hand had passed the bunch was gone. He opened both palms: they were empty. Then he placed his left hand behind his ear and produced the keys again. "Caw," said Bert, genuinely impressed. "You're a wizard." "Yup, these hands are magic. I lifted the handcuff keys from Dobby the Bobby just before he locked me up." Bert's face turned blank as a piece of wood, a simple slow breath revealing his amazement. "You're a bleeding pickpocket." "Yup. Like I said, easy. I could have taken Dobby's underpants and he wouldn’t have known.” Bert stared down at his own handcuffs with a hollow expression and then smacked his brow. “It’s you, isn’t it?” “Me who?” “Him there ‘Four-P’. Peter Pepper Pick-Pocket.” This time, Dick Charmer gaped. “How come you know?” “Because I used to be a crook like you, and I still hear the news.” In way of answer, Dick Charmer hooked his thumbs in his belt, thrust his hips forward, and gave a smug smile. "Means I'm famous, which is more than we can say about you. You're a no-talent dummy: fat, ugly, and clumsy." Then he spun on his heels and darted into his house. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Bildet er tatt av OpenClipart-Vectors fra Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 38 After Chief Inspector Dobbs had stormed off to eat breakfast, Dick Charmer and Bert glared at each other. They were alone now, two houses apart, handcuffed to scaffolding that besieged the terrace building. “Shame I won’t get to finish the roof,” said Dick Charmer, and rattled his handcuffs against the pole that held him captive. "Shame I didn't get to hang you," muttered Bert. “You’re clever at fixing roofs all right, but even cleverer at ruining people’s love lives. You’re a danger to women and ought to be wiped out like the piece of snot you are.” Dick Charmer chuckled, and his mouth slackened in mock shock. “Who, me?” “Yeah, you. And if we wasn’t chained up like this I’d come over there and break every bone in your body. Prison’s too good for you.” “Prison? No way!” Dick Charmer rocked back on his heels and snickered. “I won’t be going to prison." He squinted at Bert, a hard smile on his face. "But you will.” Bert turned away, giving himself time to gather his thoughts. He didn't understand why either of them should go to prison. Apart from causing a disturbance and frightening the life out of his fiancé, Olive, they had done nothing wrong: especially him. Still, Chief Inspector Dobbs had promised to have them locked up, and he doubtless would, at least for a few days, maybe even longer. “How are you gonna get out this prediclement then?” He narrowed his eyes and tried to cross his arms; when that proved impossible he spread his legs instead. "You mean predicament, Bert." "Yeah, that's what I said, premicadent." “Easy.” Dick Charmer winked, twisted his hip, slid his right hand into a pocket, and drew out a small bunch of keys. With one deft movement, he unlocked his handcuffs and skipped away from the scaffolding. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 37 Olive reached out and stroked Bert’s cheek. “That isn’t true. I lost the gorgeous ring and I’m so upset I could cry.” She brushed her hand under her nose, like a child with a chill, and squeezed a tear from the corner of a mascara streaked eye. "Where?" said Bert. Her eyes rolled skyward. "If I knew that it wouldn't be lost, would it?" “Oh yeah, I didn’t think of that.” "Enough of this babble," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, pressing between them. He rose on tiptoes and dragged his identity card from around Bert's head. Olive squinted, tilted her head to one side, and puckered her bright-red lips. “Bert, why are you wearing Inspector Dobbs’s dumb identity card?” “Chief Inspector Dobbs,” he reminded her. “And I’d like to know the answer too.” “I…” Bert’s gaze ping-ponged between the inspector and Olive. He couldn't tell them it suddenly appeared there during the night. That sounded so stupid. He swallowed a couple of times, blinked, and then blurted out, “I found it.” “Where?” demanded Chief Inspector Dobbs. Again Bert hesitated, licking his lips. “I’m good at finding things, but I don’t always remember where.” Olive squirmed into his arm, hugged it tight, and gazed up into his eyes. An expression of expectant hope replaced the look of despair. “Do you think you can find our engagement ring?” “Yes,” said Bert, eyes already searching in the long grass around their feet. “I’ll find it. I promise. And if I can't, I'll buy you a new one, bigger and better.” Chief Inspector Dobbs grunted. “You and Dick Charmer are accomplices. You both know exactly where your ring is, and so do I.” He whirled about and marched away as best he could in his floppy slippers. “Are you coming or not?” he called over his shoulder. Florence and Olive tagged along behind, both pecking at his shoulders with insistent fingers, urging to learn what he knew about the ring. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 36 Olive lunged over to Dick Charmer, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside his front door, and stamped on his foot with her stiletto heel. “Was it you who tried to scare the life out of me?” Dick Charmer scrunched his eyes and tottered on one foot. "Get away from me you crazy woman." Not satisfied with the answer, Olive kicked him in the shin with the pointed toe of her shoe. “Think yourself lucky I didn’t aim higher, lover boy.” Leaving him hanging to the scaffolding pole with his eyes crossed, she marched across to Bert, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside her front door. “Or was it you? You with your jealousy?” Bert gave a snort of dismissive laughter. “Jealous? Who could blame me? Everybody could see how you was flirting with him over there. He’s a menace to women.” “So it was you?” “I didn’t say that.” Olive stood with hands on hips and tapped her foot. “What are you saying?” “I ain’t saying it was me who done it, I’m just saying it was him who made me do it. Er, some of it." He peered into the ground and muttered. "The scarecrow weren’t nothing to do with me.” Bert gave her a long pained look, then broke eye contact and sunk his head, studying his hands. “You never show me such affliction as you showed him.” “Affection, Bert. You mean affection.” “Yeah, that’s what I said, afflection.” Bert’s voice fell to a whisper and his shoulders sagged. “I don't think you like me no more. You don’t even wear that engagement ring I gave you.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 35 "Tie a knot in it," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, and spun to leave. When he returned, the two delinquent lawbreakers might be ready to talk. If not, he couldn't care less, he'd soon have them in the clink for interrogation. Talking of knots, his hollow stomach had tied one of its own. After downing some food and dressing, he hoped his mood would improve, although he doubted it. Right now, he hated the world and all those who infested it. Behind the scarecrow dangling from its neck, Olive's front door opened and his wife, Florence, guided Olive around the gruesome effigy. Olive still looked ashen after the shock of finding what she imagined as a man hanging by his neck right outside her house. “I’ve invited Olive to breakfast,” said Florence. Chief Inspector Dobbs did nothing to hide the disapproval that flashed across his face. He hated Olive. She was as big a crook as Dick Charmer and Bert, and he ought to handcuff her along with them. He couldn't have been more displeased even if Florence had told him she was pregnant. Florence, a plump woman, whose soft wrinkle-free skin made her appear younger than her years, clicked her tongue and wagged a finger. “Now then, Poochy, Olive has had a nasty shock. She’s such a frail and gentle creature.” “You bastards,” shrieked Olive, and flailed her handbag around her head like a bludgeon. “Which of you two creeps did this?” Her handbag socked the scarecrow’s head with such force that it shot off like a cannon ball and rolled into the road. Dick Charmer and Bert turned pale and glanced at each other, both shaking their heads vigorously. "It was him," they said. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay
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