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Writing That Turns Heads and Opens Wallets
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Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 39 “Hey, where’d you get those from?” said Bert, staring wide-eyed in disbelief. Dick Charmer suspended the small bunch of keys above his head and let them dangle between his fingers. "Watch carefully." He swiped his other hand across in front of the keys and when the hand had passed the bunch was gone. He opened both palms: they were empty. Then he placed his left hand behind his ear and produced the keys again. "Caw," said Bert, genuinely impressed. "You're a wizard." "Yup, these hands are magic. I lifted the handcuff keys from Dobby the Bobby just before he locked me up." Bert's face turned blank as a piece of wood, a simple slow breath revealing his amazement. "You're a bleeding pickpocket." "Yup. Like I said, easy. I could have taken Dobby's underpants and he wouldn’t have known.” Bert stared down at his own handcuffs with a hollow expression and then smacked his brow. “It’s you, isn’t it?” “Me who?” “Him there ‘Four-P’. Peter Pepper Pick-Pocket.” This time, Dick Charmer gaped. “How come you know?” “Because I used to be a crook like you, and I still hear the news.” In way of answer, Dick Charmer hooked his thumbs in his belt, thrust his hips forward, and gave a smug smile. "Means I'm famous, which is more than we can say about you. You're a no-talent dummy: fat, ugly, and clumsy." Then he spun on his heels and darted into his house. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
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Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 38 After Chief Inspector Dobbs had stormed off to eat breakfast, Dick Charmer and Bert glared at each other. They were alone now, two houses apart, handcuffed to scaffolding that besieged the terrace building. “Shame I won’t get to finish the roof,” said Dick Charmer, and rattled his handcuffs against the pole that held him captive. "Shame I didn't get to hang you," muttered Bert. “You’re clever at fixing roofs all right, but even cleverer at ruining people’s love lives. You’re a danger to women and ought to be wiped out like the piece of snot you are.” Dick Charmer chuckled, and his mouth slackened in mock shock. “Who, me?” “Yeah, you. And if we wasn’t chained up like this I’d come over there and break every bone in your body. Prison’s too good for you.” “Prison? No way!” Dick Charmer rocked back on his heels and snickered. “I won’t be going to prison." He squinted at Bert, a hard smile on his face. "But you will.” Bert turned away, giving himself time to gather his thoughts. He didn't understand why either of them should go to prison. Apart from causing a disturbance and frightening the life out of his fiancé, Olive, they had done nothing wrong: especially him. Still, Chief Inspector Dobbs had promised to have them locked up, and he doubtless would, at least for a few days, maybe even longer. “How are you gonna get out this prediclement then?” He narrowed his eyes and tried to cross his arms; when that proved impossible he spread his legs instead. "You mean predicament, Bert." "Yeah, that's what I said, premicadent." “Easy.” Dick Charmer winked, twisted his hip, slid his right hand into a pocket, and drew out a small bunch of keys. With one deft movement, he unlocked his handcuffs and skipped away from the scaffolding. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 37 Olive reached out and stroked Bert’s cheek. “That isn’t true. I lost the gorgeous ring and I’m so upset I could cry.” She brushed her hand under her nose, like a child with a chill, and squeezed a tear from the corner of a mascara streaked eye. "Where?" said Bert. Her eyes rolled skyward. "If I knew that it wouldn't be lost, would it?" “Oh yeah, I didn’t think of that.” "Enough of this babble," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, pressing between them. He rose on tiptoes and dragged his identity card from around Bert's head. Olive squinted, tilted her head to one side, and puckered her bright-red lips. “Bert, why are you wearing Inspector Dobbs’s dumb identity card?” “Chief Inspector Dobbs,” he reminded her. “And I’d like to know the answer too.” “I…” Bert’s gaze ping-ponged between the inspector and Olive. He couldn't tell them it suddenly appeared there during the night. That sounded so stupid. He swallowed a couple of times, blinked, and then blurted out, “I found it.” “Where?” demanded Chief Inspector Dobbs. Again Bert hesitated, licking his lips. “I’m good at finding things, but I don’t always remember where.” Olive squirmed into his arm, hugged it tight, and gazed up into his eyes. An expression of expectant hope replaced the look of despair. “Do you think you can find our engagement ring?” “Yes,” said Bert, eyes already searching in the long grass around their feet. “I’ll find it. I promise. And if I can't, I'll buy you a new one, bigger and better.” Chief Inspector Dobbs grunted. “You and Dick Charmer are accomplices. You both know exactly where your ring is, and so do I.” He whirled about and marched away as best he could in his floppy slippers. “Are you coming or not?” he called over his shoulder. Florence and Olive tagged along behind, both pecking at his shoulders with insistent fingers, urging to learn what he knew about the ring. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 36 Olive lunged over to Dick Charmer, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside his front door, and stamped on his foot with her stiletto heel. “Was it you who tried to scare the life out of me?” Dick Charmer scrunched his eyes and tottered on one foot. "Get away from me you crazy woman." Not satisfied with the answer, Olive kicked him in the shin with the pointed toe of her shoe. “Think yourself lucky I didn’t aim higher, lover boy.” Leaving him hanging to the scaffolding pole with his eyes crossed, she marched across to Bert, who was handcuffed to a scaffolding pole outside her front door. “Or was it you? You with your jealousy?” Bert gave a snort of dismissive laughter. “Jealous? Who could blame me? Everybody could see how you was flirting with him over there. He’s a menace to women.” “So it was you?” “I didn’t say that.” Olive stood with hands on hips and tapped her foot. “What are you saying?” “I ain’t saying it was me who done it, I’m just saying it was him who made me do it. Er, some of it." He peered into the ground and muttered. "The scarecrow weren’t nothing to do with me.” Bert gave her a long pained look, then broke eye contact and sunk his head, studying his hands. “You never show me such affliction as you showed him.” “Affection, Bert. You mean affection.” “Yeah, that’s what I said, afflection.” Bert’s voice fell to a whisper and his shoulders sagged. “I don't think you like me no more. You don’t even wear that engagement ring I gave you.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 35 "Tie a knot in it," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, and spun to leave. When he returned, the two delinquent lawbreakers might be ready to talk. If not, he couldn't care less, he'd soon have them in the clink for interrogation. Talking of knots, his hollow stomach had tied one of its own. After downing some food and dressing, he hoped his mood would improve, although he doubted it. Right now, he hated the world and all those who infested it. Behind the scarecrow dangling from its neck, Olive's front door opened and his wife, Florence, guided Olive around the gruesome effigy. Olive still looked ashen after the shock of finding what she imagined as a man hanging by his neck right outside her house. “I’ve invited Olive to breakfast,” said Florence. Chief Inspector Dobbs did nothing to hide the disapproval that flashed across his face. He hated Olive. She was as big a crook as Dick Charmer and Bert, and he ought to handcuff her along with them. He couldn't have been more displeased even if Florence had told him she was pregnant. Florence, a plump woman, whose soft wrinkle-free skin made her appear younger than her years, clicked her tongue and wagged a finger. “Now then, Poochy, Olive has had a nasty shock. She’s such a frail and gentle creature.” “You bastards,” shrieked Olive, and flailed her handbag around her head like a bludgeon. “Which of you two creeps did this?” Her handbag socked the scarecrow’s head with such force that it shot off like a cannon ball and rolled into the road. Dick Charmer and Bert turned pale and glanced at each other, both shaking their heads vigorously. "It was him," they said. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Wednesdays and Sundays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 34 Bert tested his handcuffs against the scaffolding pole. Both were of solid metal. There was no chance of flight for either Dick Charmer or him. He glanced across at Dick Charmer. Although Chief Inspector Dobbs had found a pouch of stolen jewelry in his house, the young scoundrel didn't seem upset at all. He'd clasped his hands, crossed his legs, and leant his shoulder against a scaffolding pole. “That’s right, Dobby, old chap," said Dick Charmer. "You go and have a nice breakfast, get dressed, and brush your teeth. Just don’t be too long.” “Too long?” Chief inspector Dobbs stretched his jaws wide and flapped a hand over his open mouth. “I might even have a nap after breakfast. I shouldn’t worry about time if I were you, you’ll both be doing plenty of that.” Bert moaned and wrung his hands. He still felt confused by the entire business. Apart from wanting to hang Dick Charmer by the neck for flirting with his fiancé, Olive, he'd done nothing illegal. “Inspector Dobbs, Sir, I…" “Chief Inspector Dobbs.” “Yeah, sorry. Chief, Sir.” “Well, what?” Bert crossed his legs at the knees and bent forward at his generous waist. “I’m bursting for a piss.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Augusto Ordonez from Pixabay
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James Field
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