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Bert felt jealous, cheated on, and blue. Then he discovered he could morph into a giant nightmarish slug... Would you like a FREE copy? On Wednesdays and Sundays I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ novellas. You can check in regularly and read them bit for bit, or leave a message in my 'contact' page, and I'll send the entire digital story to you for free when published. Life in the Clouds #6: Take a Slug ® James Field. |
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Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them free, or wait to buy the whole story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 04
Bert, who had rushed outside straight from his bed, glared at the young man dancing on his rooftop. He saw how the young girls drooled over him as if he were a pop or film star. Even his fiancé Olive had started putting on extra makeup and taken to wearing her tightest clothes. “I think he’s a wanker, don’t we Alf,” he said to his best mate.
Bert looked down at his own massive body. A fully-grown male walrus might be proud of it, but not a gorgeous babe like Olive. Sadly, he could understand why she found other men more physically attractive, but she didn't need to make it so obvious. The way she'd joined the crowd and drooled over this randy newcomer made his blood boil. “You look ruffled, my good friend,” said Morris, the Cloud Estate's dwarfish gardener and self-appointed general. "Haven’t you slept well?” Bert’s best mate Alf laughed and punched his shoulder with enough force to bowl a normal man off his feet. “Bert’s worried about Olive. Thinks she’s gonna fall for that twit up there.” “Huh,” said Morris, hands in pockets. He rocked on his heels and swung his potbelly to the music's deafening beat, “no need to worry yourself there, Bert. Strutting cockerels like Dick Charmer are not interested in old hens like Olive. They prefer the adorable young chicks.” To be continued… 
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
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Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them free, or wait to buy the whole story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 03
As the sun rose higher and its warmth drew sweat from Dick Charmer’s energetic labour on the roof, he tossed his T-shirt aside, turned up the volume on his boom-blaster, and took a couple of minutes to dance. As on previous days, a group of spectators had gathered. Most of them were rich young girls who giggled behind their hands, danced wantonly, and called to say they loved him.
But today a group of men had also gathered to see what all the fuss was about. Among them were the Cloud Mansion’s two burly security guards, Alf and Bert. In front of them stood semi-retired Chief Inspector Dobbs, who owned a weekend cottage at The Stables, and beside him Vicar Bitter who lived in the small, disused chapel’s vicarage. At the front stood Morris, the Cloud Mansion’s pint-sized gardener and self-appointed General, hands in pockets. “Yes,” said Morris, “I can’t find fault with his work. He’s made a good job of re-tiling the roof. Not so sure I approve of his modus operandi though.” “It’s a sin the way he carries on,” said Vicar Bitter, and crossed himself. Chief Inspector Dobbs tilted his head as if weighing evidence. “I’ll have my boys check him out.” He wrote a note in his notebook, dropped it into a pocket in his mackintosh, and then stabbed a finger at the hooligan. “I haven’t liked the look of him from day one.” To be continued… 
Image by GraphicMama-team from Pixabay
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this mind-boggling series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them free, or wait to buy the whole story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 02
Dick Charmer swung himself up the scaffolding ladder. He used his right hand to grasp the rungs, while his left arm steadied a ghetto blaster balanced on his shoulder. He wore cycle shorts and stretchy T-shirt. If the weather remained warm, he’d discard his T-shirt and flex his muscles for the young girls. They loved to glare at him.
Straddling the roof of the terrace house’s crown, he surveyed his work. He’d re-pointed two of the three chimneys, and the roof tiles were now neat, clean, and whole. By the weekend, he’d be finished and ready to collect his wages. He glanced at his watch, five-past-eight, time to wake folk. Some of The Stables’ workers were already out and about, feeding animals and grooming the horses. But most of the guests were sleeping or eating breakfast in a converted barn. With the boom blaster perched on a chimney, he selected the most modern of his pop music and turned the volume to full. The rafters rattled in time with the bass, and he swung both his hammer and his hips to the driving rhythm. He knew big fat Bert slept in the house below, but paid no heed. There was no way that ugly brute could climb the ladder to get at him. To be continued… 
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Dear friends, on Tuesdays and Saturdays I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. If you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this mind-boggling series. You can check in regularly and read them free, or wait to buy the whole story when published. This is the first part of ‘Enchanter on the Roof.’ Enjoy!
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 01
Bert lay in bed, wide-awake, with his eyes closed and palms resting on his heart. He often suffered from heartburn, but the agony throbbing deep inside his ribs this morning was far worse. It was a pain that no medicine could ease.
He rolled his head and stared at the bedroom’s brick wall. On the other side, no more than a foot away in the house next door, lived the love of his life. “Olive,” he whispered, and the sound of her name brought a flood of moisture to his eyes. “When will you be mine?” Olive was the most beautiful creature that walked the earth. She was a make-up expert and her face was always dazzling and colourful and it took her hours to paint it on. Come to think of it, he’d never seen her without it. And she wasn’t afraid of displaying her voluptuous body either. The trouble was, even though she wore his engagement ring, she seemed more interested in other men than him. It didn't surprise him. He knew he was no prize: hulking in height, grossly overweight, brutishly strong, and with a grim face that terrified the living daylights out of most people. Just then, as Bert’s Big Ben alarm clock chimed eight, he heard the sound of Dick Charmer outside. The dashing young contractor climbed a scaffolding ladder and walked across the roof. Bert’s two massive Alsatians growled and he clicked his tongue at them. “Yeah, I hate the bastard too. How’s about I kill him and you two eat him, bones and all, get rid of the evidence?” To be continued… 
Image by Thomas Wolter from Pixabay
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Dear friends, on Tuesdays and Saturdays I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them free, or wait to buy the whole story when published. This is the last part of ‘Eerie Eve’. Next up is ‘Enchanter on the Roof.’
Eerie Eve ® James Field. Part 33
Sibyl turned back to the frying pans and flipped the eggs and bacon. Her well-padded shoulders bounced in silent amusement.
"What?" said Alf, nausea rising in his throat. "So I ate a tiny little toadstool. I'm going to be all right, aren't I?" "Oh yes, mostly. But..." Laughter stifled her words and it took a moment before she could continue. "But if there's ever another full moon on the ninth day of September, you'll be so love-struck that you'll have to go searching for your lady troll." It was then Morris noticed his wicker basket, still packed with toadstools, on a shelf above Sibyl's head. "Ah," he said, suspecting how she might have obtained them. Alf followed his gaze and sunk into a dining chair. "Huh! How did that get there?" Sibyl swaggered across the stone floor, a loaded plate of food in each hand. After placing one in front of each man, she wiped her hands on her pinafore, released her hairnet, swished her hair loose, and clapped them on their backs. "You boys care to tell me your version of why you're both so tired?" Her nose suddenly seemed longer than usual and her pupils had grown beady. She blinked at them, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “Had the company of Husminx, maybe?” "I'll tell you about it later," mumbled Morris, which was his way of saying: let's not talk about it. All he wanted was to forget the night and his cowardly behaviour as best he could. The end. 
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth.
Dear friends, on Tuesdays and Saturdays I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them free, or wait to buy the whole story when published. ‘Eerie Eve’ is drawing to a close. Next up is ‘Enchanter on the Roof.’ Starting soon.
Eerie Eve ® James Field. Part 32
Side by side, Morris and Alf walked back through the forest. At the rear side of the mansion, Morris took his rucksack from Alf, almost toppled under the weight, and swung away toward the kitchen door.
"I'm coming with you," said Alf. "I need one of Sibyl's potions for me headache." So did Morris. But the kitchen smelled of egg and bacon, and he’d rather have the food than one of Sibyl’s disgusting concoctions. There had been no time for breakfast at his campsite. "Hungry?" asked Sibyl. She glanced over her shoulder, and when she saw Alf cracked six more eggs and dropped ten extra rashers of bacon into two separate cast-iron frying pans. "Either of you fancy mushrooms?" Morris glanced at Alf and saw his own lack of enthusiasm reflected there. "No thank you," they said in unison. Sibyl half turned and studied them. "I see," she said. "No toadstools for me?" Morris slid his hands into his pockets and let his shoulders roll forward. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, and flopped into a chair at the table, "but clouds covered the moon at midnight. There were no toadstools that I could see." "I found one," said Alf, expanding his chest. Both Morris and Sibyl stared at him. "Only a small one," said Alf, displaying its size with his fingers. "Yes," said Sibyl, "what did you with it?" "I ate it." Sibyl's eyebrows shot up and her jaw shot down. "You did what?" "I, eh, ate it. I'm going to be all right, aren't I?" To be continued… 
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
The real world:
Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts.
Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. |
James Field
Talvik, Norway You can also Find me on 
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 The Thursday Murder Club by Richard OsmanMy rating: 2 of 5 stars There’s a lot to like and a lot to dislike in this story. I like that it’s cosy, funny, and heart-warming. The plot, however, is a tragedy. There are two murders, and every character in the book, of which there are many, has a motif. With so many twists, turns, and red herrings throughout the narrative, it lost me in a virtual maze. But the author commits the gravest crime: he introduces a new, guilty character right at the end of the story. Tut, tut, naughty. View all my reviews Archives
August 2022
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