In the last post: Bert was dumbfounded by events. It ended with him handcuffed to the scaffolding...28/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 30 Earlier that morning, Just as Chief Inspector Dobbs had climbed out of bed and padded his way to the bathroom, he’d caught a woman's scream. It wasn’t an ordinary cry, like when somebody stubs their toe or slams their finger in a car door. This was a blood-curdling howl as if the person had opened their front door and found a dead body hanging there. Like the top-notch, semi-retired, professional law enforcer that he was, Chief Inspector Dobbs changed direction and rushed to his own front door. "That sounds like Olive," his wife said, abruptly by his side and clutching his arm. As always, her voice sounded soft and husky. Chief Inspector Dobbs unhooked her hand and tried not to show his annoyance. He'd spent most of his life as a bachelor. Marriage was a new experience and he wasn't certain he liked it—yet. Sure, Florence was a fine woman, plump and ripe, but he hated it when she involved herself in his police work. "Stay here," he ordered. She drew a thin overcoat over her flowery nightdress, tied a mauve and green scarf across her tangled hair, and tagged along behind him. He didn't have time to bark at her, and anyway, she only ever laughed at his outbursts. Outside, other people already ran towards Olive's house. As they drew close, Chief Inspector Dobbs sighted a body hanging by its neck in front of Olive's door, and Olive lying at the victim's feet. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for recognizing the scream's significance: a result of diligent experience. "Stay behind me," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, not wanting his wife to faint or spew. "This looks like a nasty business." Instead, Florence forged ahead, dodged around the dead body, and helped the stricken Olive to her feet. She guided Olive into the house, cooing words of comfort, and slammed the door behind her. Chief Inspector Dobbs normally radiated confidence and authority at the site of a crime. Standing there in his dressing gown and slippers was a new event, and his nakedness made it difficult to take charge. It didn't help his mood that Florence had pooh-hooed him. Suddenly, he let out an enormous breath and muttered a soft curse. Luckily, this wasn’t a proper murder scene at all , but somebody’s idea of a sick joke. The dead body hanging from a noose right outside Olive’s door was nothing more than a scarecrow. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
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In the last post: The gardener hung dead by his neck, and everyone but Bert found it hysterical...26/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 29 “You heard,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, jabbing a finger at Bert who still clutched to the scaffolding ladder. "Come and take the scarecrow down.” Bert shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He pouted and waggled a finger in his ear. “What?” “You stuck it there, you take it down.” “Scarecrow?” Bert rubbed his eyes, one at a time, and then stared wide-eyed at the body hanging from his home-made noose. He could see now that it wasn’t Lance, but a collection of his old clothes stuffed with straw. He shot a venomous look at the smug Dick Charmer, his intended victim, and bolted down the ladder’s last few rungs so fast that he almost fell. “I’ll kill him with me bare hands,” he roared, “He’s made a mug of me.” “Stop right there,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, placing his life in danger by stepping in front of Bert’s colossal bulk. And then he froze with amazement and pointed at Bert's chest. “Where did you get that?” Bert stopped, and when he peered down, he spotted the inspector’s identification card hanging around his neck. He stared at the card with enormous eyes. “I… I… I don’t know.” “Right then, I’ll deal with you later. Hold your hands out on either side of that scaffolding pole.” Dumbfounded by the strange turn of events, Bert followed orders. With a grunt of relish, Chief Inspector Dobbs fished a chunky set of handcuffs from his dressing gown pocket, and with practised ease snapped them over Bert’s wrists. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 28 Aroused by Olive's piercing scream, a small crowd of early risers gathered. Half of them were young ladies, vacationing at The Stables. The rest comprised workers and owners who had been up since dawn to groom the horses, tend the farm animals, or mind the pets in the mini-zoo. Bert blinked, he couldn't believe it: they sniggered and laughed as if attending a Punch and Judy show. At the neighbouring terrace house, Dick Charmer opened his front door and stationed himself in the frame, hands on hips. “Pleasant morning for a hanging,” he said, and a fresh round of laughter broke out. “What’s so funny?” Bert demanded to know, lips pinched into a white gash. He swung away from the ladder, clutched on by one hand, and twisted to gawk at the mob. “Can’t you see Lance is dead?” This triggered a rowdy guffaw from Dick Charmer, and the crowd went into hysterics, clapping and stomping their feet. “That’s enough,” growled Chief Inspector Dobbs, struggling to look authoritative in his dressing gown and slippers. “Everybody go about your business; and no photos. Put your mobiles away or I’ll confiscate them.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Steve Bidmead from Pixabayom HTML
In the last post: Screams woke Bert on the scaffolding. During the night, he'd become a murderer...19/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 27 "What are you doing up there?” barked Chief Inspector Dobbs, squinting up at the scaffolding in the sun’s early morning brightness. He sported a thin dressing gown with baggy pockets and shapeless sleeves. His spindly chalk-white ankles poked out from below the dressing gown’s hem, ending with his bare feet stuffed into a pair of floppy dog-chewed slippers. “Get down here immediately.” Bert swung over the scaffolding’s side and clambered down the ladder one slow step at a time. As soon as his line of vision passed below the platform's edge, and he could clearly see Lance hanging by his neck, his chest tightened about his heart. “Oh, Gawd,” he said, and his eyes swelled with tears. His knees shook, and so much bile rose in his throat that he couldn’t move up or down the ladder. He clung to it; his shoulders quaking in sobs. “I’m so sorry,” he bawled. “I wish I hadn’t done anything so stupid. I wish it was me hanging there.” Last night, in a rage of jealousy, he’d planned to execute Dick Charmer; how Lance had ended in his noose he couldn’t guess. What would life be like with Lance gone? Lance was one of the kindest men he'd known. Everybody admired and respected him, except maybe his best mate and partner, Alf, who deemed him a pompous old git. “What have I done?” “That’s what I’d like to know,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs. “Get down here and explain yourself.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on: bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in: What on Earth. - 
Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 26 At the sound of Olive’s screams, Bert cracked his eyes open and squinted at his surroundings. The rising sun shone beneath the lip of a thin cloud and crows screeched above his head. For a moment, he couldn't figure out why he was sleeping on the scaffolding above his fiancé’s front door, but then the memory struck him like a clash of symbols. In a fit of blind jealousy, he’d planned to drop a noose over Dick Charmer's neck and hang him to death. But Olive had come home alone in the middle of the night, and while waiting for her lover to sneak in later, he’d fallen asleep. The falling asleep part hadn’t been part of his plan, but then again nothing had gone to plan. Olive's screams certainly weren't part of it, and they'd come from right below him. He peeked between the scaffolding floorboards and his heart froze. Someone was hanging by the neck in his noose. From the clothing, it looked frightfully like Lance, The Cloud Estate’s gardener. Only just yesterday he'd said he felt like committing suicide. Bert asked himself if the stupid sod had found the noose and taken the opportunity, or whether it had been an accident in the dark. Either way, it was Bert's fault and the shock made him gulp air like a dead fish. During the night, Lance had perished, making Bert an executioner. “What in damnation is going on here?” The voice belonged to Chief Inspector Dobbs and Bert wondered if it were possible to creep away over the roof and down the other side unnoticed? But as he clambered to his feet, the scaffolding groaned and creaked under his weight. “Who’s up there?” A foul taste in Bert’s mouth made him swallow hard. He scrubbed his face with his hands, strove to appear as virtuous as an innocent baby angel, and leaned over the scaffolding’s railing. “Morning, Inspector," he stammered. "Anything wrong?" To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by KDArtStudio from Pixabay
In the last post: Olive was ashamed of her unfaithful flirtations. But would Bert forgive her...11/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 25 Olive knew how to make amends to her fiancé. Bert loved his food, and the best way to his heart was through his stomach. After another shower, a quick plastering of makeup, and squeezing into jeans and T-shirt, she set about in her kitchen to fry a full English breakfast. As an extra treat, she found room on the table for mounds of chocolate croissants and cream-puff cakes; Bert’s favourites. Uncertain how Bert would react when she fetched him from his neighbouring house, she paused in her lounge, faced the inside of her front door, and took a few deep breaths. In spite of his ferocious appearance, at heart, Bert was as soft and sweet as marshmellows, and easily hurt. He’d never shown anger toward her, no matter what she did, but last night's flirtatious performance on the dance floor was bad. She'd only been having a bit of harmless fun, but Bert wouldn't understand that. He'd looked so distraught that she thought he might do something foolish. And she didn't want to lose him. No more delays. Time to fetch him and let him know she was his alone. She wiggled her hips, expanded her chest, pouted her lips, and counted to three. On the count, she flung the door open—and howled! Bert Dangled from his neck in front of her, as dead as one of those scarecrows in the fields. She screamed, and then she screamed some more, until, with one last screech trailing off into a strangled croak, she fainted. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published. Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 24 In the morning, as the first light of day crept into her room, Olive sat up in bed and rubbed her face. “You bloody fool,” she scolded herself. She’d tossed and turned all night, thinking about her fiancé, Bert, and the wrong she had done him. The poor man had watched her make a fool of herself trying to make out with Dick Charmer, a scrawny self-digger fifteen years younger than her. In the long run, if she had to choose between the two, she would settle for Bert any day. Bert was such a strange, mysterious darling: six-foot-six tall and thirty stone. He was an ogre of a human being, with no neck and a bulbous head that properly belongs to a bulldog. His hands can crush cocoa-nuts as though they were ostrich eggs. He might be the ugliest man she had ever met, big and menacing as he was, but beneath the flab he was as kind and gentle as a kitten. Kids and animals loved him. And he loved them back. They saw through his hostile exterior to the maternal softness within. Above all, he loved her with such a possessive passion that her toes curled with the thought. Such is his strength, that he won a bet once by tearing his way out of a straitjacket, although it's surprising they found one to fit him. His chest and belly resemble a massive fragmentation grenade, and if you were stupid enough to pull the pin, it was liable to detonate. How on earth must he have felt, she asked herself, watching me flirt with Dick Charmer? An acute pang of shame ran through her and she pulled her knees into her chest. She remembered his look of hurt and disappointment at the disco, so deep that a shadow of self-destruction had hung over him; either that or the destruction of something or someone else. Heavens, what a fool she'd made of herself. Worse, would the sweet giant ever forgive her? She climbed out of bed and made for the bathroom. Whatever else she did today, somehow or another she would make it up to him. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 23 After Olive had stormed home alone from Ye Olde Inn’s disco, she'd slumped into her favourite easy chair and buried her face in her hands. Never had anyone humiliated her so. Even though she'd dressed like a teenager in ultra-mini miniskirt, black bra, and see-through frilly blouse, Dick Charmer had rejected her: a look of utter disgust plastered all over his face. Who does he think he is? Just because all the silly little rich tarts swooned over him, there was no reason to snub her in front of everyone. If it hadn't been for that interfering slob of a policeman, Dobbs, she would've scratched Dick Charmer's eyes out and tied his goolies into knots. But the disastrous night was over and soon Dick Charmer would finish his work on the terrace house roof and leave. Good riddance to him; there were plenty more sweethearts in the world. Maybe someone a little older, a poet was her dream man. She removed her make-up, tossed her clothes in the laundry basket, stood under a hot shower until the water turned cold, climbed into bed and pulled the sheets over her head. I’m not getting old, she consoled herself. The years creep up on most people like a serpent in the night. But I stopped ageing at twenty. I'm a ripe peach. Drowsy, her wistful thoughts turned to her fiancé, Bert. He was a gigantic ugly brute with kind eyes. He wasn't very bright, either, and seemed not to mind her little flirtations. And then she fell asleep and dreamt, and her dream was of the fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast: Bert playing the part of the beast, her the beauty. In this version of the story, however, she laughs at the beast and runs away to her lover, the poet. Ah, aren't dreams wonderful! To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Biljana Jovanovic from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 22 Dick Charmer removed a few bulky rocks from around the scarecrow's base, rested it on the ground, untangled it from its wooden poles, and hoisted it onto his back. Its weight surprised him. Although it looked like a fully grown man, it felt lighter than a toddler. The work had taken longer than expected and the brief summer night was drawing to an end. A hazy glow of red on the horizon made him hurry. Sweat soon trickled down his spine and dripped from his brow, and just as the first cockerel squawked he saw a farmworker in the distance, strolling towards him. Dick Charmer jumped into a ditch beside the gravel road and threw himself down. Thank God it was dry after so many warm summer days. When he dared to peek over the edge, the farmworker was no longer there, probably attending to the horses in a nearby stable. Hoisting the scarecrow high on his back, Dick Charmer ran. Dogs barked somewhere, and as he dashed past the stable, he heard the farmworker chatting to the fillies. At any other time, the early morning sights and sounds would have soothed his soul and made him glad to be alive. Right now, he thought his heart might explode. But he reached the row of three terrace houses without further trouble and slipped the scarecrow’s head through the noose hanging in front of Olive’s frontdoor. The strawman swung gently by its neck, head slumped forward and facing the door, feet inches above the ground, arms dangling by its side. It looked so much like a corpse that the hairs on the back of Dick Charmer’s neck bristled, and a shudder tickled his backbone. When Bert sees the result of his murderous plan, he thought, it'll be his heart that explodes. And then, hardly able to stop himself from laughing out loud, Dick Charmer slithered off to bed. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. 
Image by marcelkessler from Pixabay
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James Field
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