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Bert felt jealous, cheated on, and blue. Then he discovered he could morph into a giant nightmarish slug... Would you like a FREE copy? On Wednesdays and Sundays I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ novellas. You can check in regularly and read them bit for bit, or leave a message in my 'contact' page, and I'll send the entire digital story to you for free when published. Life in the Clouds #6: Take a Slug ® James Field. |
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In the last post: Bert was dumbfounded by events. It ended with him handcuffed to the scaffolding...28/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 30 Earlier that morning, Just as Chief Inspector Dobbs had climbed out of bed and padded his way to the bathroom, he’d caught a woman's scream. It wasn’t an ordinary cry, like when somebody stubs their toe or slams their finger in a car door. This was a blood-curdling howl as if the person had opened their front door and found a dead body hanging there. Like the top-notch, semi-retired, professional law enforcer that he was, Chief Inspector Dobbs changed direction and rushed to his own front door. "That sounds like Olive," his wife said, abruptly by his side and clutching his arm. As always, her voice sounded soft and husky. Chief Inspector Dobbs unhooked her hand and tried not to show his annoyance. He'd spent most of his life as a bachelor. Marriage was a new experience and he wasn't certain he liked it—yet. Sure, Florence was a fine woman, plump and ripe, but he hated it when she involved herself in his police work. "Stay here," he ordered. She drew a thin overcoat over her flowery nightdress, tied a mauve and green scarf across her tangled hair, and tagged along behind him. He didn't have time to bark at her, and anyway, she only ever laughed at his outbursts. Outside, other people already ran towards Olive's house. As they drew close, Chief Inspector Dobbs sighted a body hanging by its neck in front of Olive's door, and Olive lying at the victim's feet. He gave himself a mental pat on the back for recognizing the scream's significance: a result of diligent experience. "Stay behind me," said Chief Inspector Dobbs, not wanting his wife to faint or spew. "This looks like a nasty business." Instead, Florence forged ahead, dodged around the dead body, and helped the stricken Olive to her feet. She guided Olive into the house, cooing words of comfort, and slammed the door behind her. Chief Inspector Dobbs normally radiated confidence and authority at the site of a crime. Standing there in his dressing gown and slippers was a new event, and his nakedness made it difficult to take charge. It didn't help his mood that Florence had pooh-hooed him. Suddenly, he let out an enormous breath and muttered a soft curse. Luckily, this wasn’t a proper murder scene at all , but somebody’s idea of a sick joke. The dead body hanging from a noose right outside Olive’s door was nothing more than a scarecrow. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
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In the last post: The gardener hung dead by his neck, and everyone but Bert found it hysterical...26/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 29 “You heard,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, jabbing a finger at Bert who still clutched to the scaffolding ladder. "Come and take the scarecrow down.” Bert shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He pouted and waggled a finger in his ear. “What?” “You stuck it there, you take it down.” “Scarecrow?” Bert rubbed his eyes, one at a time, and then stared wide-eyed at the body hanging from his home-made noose. He could see now that it wasn’t Lance, but a collection of his old clothes stuffed with straw. He shot a venomous look at the smug Dick Charmer, his intended victim, and bolted down the ladder’s last few rungs so fast that he almost fell. “I’ll kill him with me bare hands,” he roared, “He’s made a mug of me.” “Stop right there,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs, placing his life in danger by stepping in front of Bert’s colossal bulk. And then he froze with amazement and pointed at Bert's chest. “Where did you get that?” Bert stopped, and when he peered down, he spotted the inspector’s identification card hanging around his neck. He stared at the card with enormous eyes. “I… I… I don’t know.” “Right then, I’ll deal with you later. Hold your hands out on either side of that scaffolding pole.” Dumbfounded by the strange turn of events, Bert followed orders. With a grunt of relish, Chief Inspector Dobbs fished a chunky set of handcuffs from his dressing gown pocket, and with practised ease snapped them over Bert’s wrists. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 28 Aroused by Olive's piercing scream, a small crowd of early risers gathered. Half of them were young ladies, vacationing at The Stables. The rest comprised workers and owners who had been up since dawn to groom the horses, tend the farm animals, or mind the pets in the mini-zoo. Bert blinked, he couldn't believe it: they sniggered and laughed as if attending a Punch and Judy show. At the neighbouring terrace house, Dick Charmer opened his front door and stationed himself in the frame, hands on hips. “Pleasant morning for a hanging,” he said, and a fresh round of laughter broke out. “What’s so funny?” Bert demanded to know, lips pinched into a white gash. He swung away from the ladder, clutched on by one hand, and twisted to gawk at the mob. “Can’t you see Lance is dead?” This triggered a rowdy guffaw from Dick Charmer, and the crowd went into hysterics, clapping and stomping their feet. “That’s enough,” growled Chief Inspector Dobbs, struggling to look authoritative in his dressing gown and slippers. “Everybody go about your business; and no photos. Put your mobiles away or I’ll confiscate them.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by Steve Bidmead from Pixabayom HTML
In the last post: Screams woke Bert on the scaffolding. During the night, he'd become a murderer...19/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 27 "What are you doing up there?” barked Chief Inspector Dobbs, squinting up at the scaffolding in the sun’s early morning brightness. He sported a thin dressing gown with baggy pockets and shapeless sleeves. His spindly chalk-white ankles poked out from below the dressing gown’s hem, ending with his bare feet stuffed into a pair of floppy dog-chewed slippers. “Get down here immediately.” Bert swung over the scaffolding’s side and clambered down the ladder one slow step at a time. As soon as his line of vision passed below the platform's edge, and he could clearly see Lance hanging by his neck, his chest tightened about his heart. “Oh, Gawd,” he said, and his eyes swelled with tears. His knees shook, and so much bile rose in his throat that he couldn’t move up or down the ladder. He clung to it; his shoulders quaking in sobs. “I’m so sorry,” he bawled. “I wish I hadn’t done anything so stupid. I wish it was me hanging there.” Last night, in a rage of jealousy, he’d planned to execute Dick Charmer; how Lance had ended in his noose he couldn’t guess. What would life be like with Lance gone? Lance was one of the kindest men he'd known. Everybody admired and respected him, except maybe his best mate and partner, Alf, who deemed him a pompous old git. “What have I done?” “That’s what I’d like to know,” said Chief Inspector Dobbs. “Get down here and explain yourself.” To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on: bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in: What on Earth. - 
Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 26 At the sound of Olive’s screams, Bert cracked his eyes open and squinted at his surroundings. The rising sun shone beneath the lip of a thin cloud and crows screeched above his head. For a moment, he couldn't figure out why he was sleeping on the scaffolding above his fiancé’s front door, but then the memory struck him like a clash of symbols. In a fit of blind jealousy, he’d planned to drop a noose over Dick Charmer's neck and hang him to death. But Olive had come home alone in the middle of the night, and while waiting for her lover to sneak in later, he’d fallen asleep. The falling asleep part hadn’t been part of his plan, but then again nothing had gone to plan. Olive's screams certainly weren't part of it, and they'd come from right below him. He peeked between the scaffolding floorboards and his heart froze. Someone was hanging by the neck in his noose. From the clothing, it looked frightfully like Lance, The Cloud Estate’s gardener. Only just yesterday he'd said he felt like committing suicide. Bert asked himself if the stupid sod had found the noose and taken the opportunity, or whether it had been an accident in the dark. Either way, it was Bert's fault and the shock made him gulp air like a dead fish. During the night, Lance had perished, making Bert an executioner. “What in damnation is going on here?” The voice belonged to Chief Inspector Dobbs and Bert wondered if it were possible to creep away over the roof and down the other side unnoticed? But as he clambered to his feet, the scaffolding groaned and creaked under his weight. “Who’s up there?” A foul taste in Bert’s mouth made him swallow hard. He scrubbed his face with his hands, strove to appear as virtuous as an innocent baby angel, and leaned over the scaffolding’s railing. “Morning, Inspector," he stammered. "Anything wrong?" To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
Image by KDArtStudio from Pixabay
In the last post: Olive was ashamed of her unfaithful flirtations. But would Bert forgive her...11/7/2020
Dear friends, if you like a good chuckle, dim-witted heroes, and larger-than-life villains, then you'll love this fascinating series. On Tuesdays and Saturdays, I’m blogging nibble-sized chunks of new ‘Life in the Clouds’ stories. You can check in regularly and read them for free, or wait to buy the entire story when published.
Enchanter on the Roof ® James Field. Part 25 Olive knew how to make amends to her fiancé. Bert loved his food, and the best way to his heart was through his stomach. After another shower, a quick plastering of makeup, and squeezing into jeans and T-shirt, she set about in her kitchen to fry a full English breakfast. As an extra treat, she found room on the table for mounds of chocolate croissants and cream-puff cakes; Bert’s favourites. Uncertain how Bert would react when she fetched him from his neighbouring house, she paused in her lounge, faced the inside of her front door, and took a few deep breaths. In spite of his ferocious appearance, at heart, Bert was as soft and sweet as marshmellows, and easily hurt. He’d never shown anger toward her, no matter what she did, but last night's flirtatious performance on the dance floor was bad. She'd only been having a bit of harmless fun, but Bert wouldn't understand that. He'd looked so distraught that she thought he might do something foolish. And she didn't want to lose him. No more delays. Time to fetch him and let him know she was his alone. She wiggled her hips, expanded her chest, pouted her lips, and counted to three. On the count, she flung the door open—and howled! Bert Dangled from his neck in front of her, as dead as one of those scarecrows in the fields. She screamed, and then she screamed some more, until, with one last screech trailing off into a strangled croak, she fainted. To be continued… The real world: Rather than miss an instalment, it’s easy to follow my blog on bloglovin’. They’ll give you a friendly nudge as I release new parts. Like to know more about Alf, Bert and the rest of the gang? You can read their chaotic history in What on Earth. - 
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James Field
Talvik, Norway You can also Find me on 
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 The Thursday Murder Club by Richard OsmanMy rating: 2 of 5 stars There’s a lot to like and a lot to dislike in this story. I like that it’s cosy, funny, and heart-warming. The plot, however, is a tragedy. There are two murders, and every character in the book, of which there are many, has a motif. With so many twists, turns, and red herrings throughout the narrative, it lost me in a virtual maze. But the author commits the gravest crime: he introduces a new, guilty character right at the end of the story. Tut, tut, naughty. View all my reviews Archives
August 2022
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